Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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