I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
