you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
