Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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