I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You took a bar mat shot.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
