Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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