You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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