One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There r osticjed everywhere
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
