Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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