Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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