Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize