Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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