he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
