yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
