she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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