shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
