FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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