Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you guys were way drunker than both of me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had sex on a roof
did you just send me my own nude
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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