i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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