I have demons in me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my poor anus
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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