I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
