The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
