and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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