in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
