He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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