If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize