wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
