Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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