we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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