good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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