how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
