we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
