So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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