I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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