2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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