I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
