my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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