I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
