They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
