You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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