What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
