I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she smelled like a LAN party
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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