Need sex. Gaining weight.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
