Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
