There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
