i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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