i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
