those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
