Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize