The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
