help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
