Umm I'm too high to move.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
