My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
