i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
