I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize