how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
