Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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