I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize