seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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