You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize