my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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