I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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