I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
