i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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